The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
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you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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