Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
