You just made me feel so damn special
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
