fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i looked up. we had an audience...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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