apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
