just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
