he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
