i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
What happened to fro yo and sex?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
