I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
