I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
