you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
