Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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