he was CRYING into my vagina
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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