My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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