i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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