ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
