So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
