Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
