Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
