roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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