I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
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First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
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The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize