If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
