I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
