No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
