I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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