So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
