I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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