Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Bring me that man meat
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