Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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