We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
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Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
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hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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