He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
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Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
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Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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