Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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