Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
