Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she smelled like a LAN party
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
