The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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