That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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