textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
