Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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