I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
