APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
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I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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