i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I could fuck to npr.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
