Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
