wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
