my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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