I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
