I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
