Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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