I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
