put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
