there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
