Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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