I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
