my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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