Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
