another moral hangover. fuck.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
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Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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