so explain again why im purple
no
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
