Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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