Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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