Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
