THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
