I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
