OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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