I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
