Do you still have your period?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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