i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
