i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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