seriously i just wanna be friends
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.