i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"