So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
