If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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