I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
