so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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