Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
