Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
