her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
