he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
