You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
