i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
