How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
