Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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