I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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